The end of the Mayan Calendar is about enlightenment, not apocalypse. What better way to ascend than through laughter?
“I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.” – Stephen Hawking
ARIES – Arrogant Rams Ignore Everything Sensible
TAURUS – Temperamental Asinine Unyielding Robust Udderly Slow
GEMINI – Ginormously Evil Mentally Incoherent Nerve-wracking Idiot
CANCER – Continuously Annoying Nagging Confused Emotional Reject
LEO – Loudmouth Egotistical Oaf
VIRGO – Vapid Irritating Rigid Grandly Obsessive
LIBRA – Lowlife Incessantly Braying Ritual Antagonism
SCORPIO – Sexually Coercive Overbearing Remarkably Power-hungry Intellectually Obtuse
SAGITTARIUS – Self-righteous Arrogant Grandiose Inane Trash Talking Arrogant Redundant Irresponsible Unstable Stooge
(yes I know we used Arrogant twice, that’s intentional lol)
CAPRICORN – Capitalistic Ambitious Pigheaded Ratbastard Inherently Callous Overeager Restrictive Nightmare
AQUARIUS – Analytical Queerly Unemotional Aloof Repressed Inanimate Uberzealous Scientist
PISCES – Perpetually Irrational Sacrifice Crucified Encompassing Submission
May not be reproduced or used without permission.
Writing credits go to SadMess (Josh) and X Praesaepe (Amy).
It is the month of August; a resort town sits next to the shores of a lake. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 dollar bill on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick a room.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the butcher. The Butcher takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the pig raiser. The pig raiser takes the 100 dollar bill, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 dollar bill and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 dollar bill to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 dollar bill back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 dollar bill, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, could be how the United States Government does business today.
Instead of, or in addition to, bailing out the financial industry (and instead of giving me $13 extra dollars in my paycheck), earmark money for the citizens. Give us the $75 billion WE need to pay off our:
Credit cards, saving the banking industry.
Mortgages, saving housing.
Car loans, saving the auto industry.
Hospital bills, saving the health industry.
School loans, saving education.
With all the money we’ve freed up, then the citizens will go shopping, saving the retail industry.
I call this “Trickle UP Economics.” Please send it to your congressional representatives, and your friends!